Blackpool Annual Reunion

Another cracking reunion weekend in Blackpool, for me the most enjoyable few days of the year.


It´s a treat to see so many lunatics gathered together in the common cause, the cause being to maintain friendships forged from so many boozy trips to Benidorm over the years in our little pretend Working Men´s Club land.

Although Blackpool is without doubt a little rough around the edges, its inhabitants never fail to amuse. Whether it be one Hotelier telling one of our gang “The rooms are so small we don´t bother to clean them” or at my favourite cafe - note on toilet door – “If the light doesn´t come on just brush your hand over the bulb”. Also, “Well, you can have chips or boiled potatoes but we´ve got no mash”, the logic is sometimes lost on me but the sincerity isn´t. I love em.

I´m now continuing to appear in the “Wheeltappers Karaoke Show” at the Catholic Club, Queen St Blackpool every Sunday afternoon and alternate Saturday nights until November 10th.

Graham Walker

All genuinely nice people should be allowed to live until they´re a hundred, if you´re genuinely nice and are a comic genius to boot then you should be allowed to live forever – no questions asked.


There´s a risk of this blog turning into a monthly obituary column, but all my heroes seem to be dying at once. First Norman Collier, Eddie Braben, and now, before his time, Graham Walker from The Grumbleweeds.

He´d made me laugh as a kid (I watched all the TV series and listened avidly to all “Grumbleweed” radio programmes) and made me laugh even more as an adult. That was the beauty of the man, he came from an era whereby you had to entertain across the generations, not like now where you have specialist kids entertainers and comics who do adult stuff.

I saw “The Weeds” live many times, from back in the day when they were five of them, then down to three and finally when they were a double act when Graham performed with fellow founder member Robin Colville. Each and every time without fail I loved them, mainly because of Graham.

They visited here in Benidorm many a time to perform, and I bumped into them in the street once. Graham was from my corner of the world and he told me excitedly about an Indian Takeaway he´d just purchased just around the corner from where I was born, also mentioning gleefully that he´d just purchased a pair of jeans from the market" for 2 euros"! He asked me about where I was working and if I was doing alright (even though he didn´t know me from Adam). He was just making idle chat, and I remember thinking what a lovely gentle man he seemed but more than that I recall having to stifle a laugh as he was seriously funny without even trying – and when he did try – well, he was simply brilliant.

R.I.P Norman Collier

One of the greats for me, and never as famous as he should have been. The last time I saw him live he was well into his eighties and the ravages of time had slowed but not diminished his talent. His approach to the microphone was laboured but if anything this added to the humour and by the time he shambled to the front of the stage I was already in hysterics. They said that about Tommy Cooper didn´t they? That he could have you in convulsions without saying a word? Well he certainly had me going that night, so much so that the couple behind me complained that I was “moving about and making too much noise”. I apologised and promised never to laugh again. That however proved impossible and although I never met him I hear he was just as whacky in “real life”.


I heard Bobby Ball on a radio interview saying that when he was new to showbiz he was partnered with Norman in a charity golf event. On the second hole he was alarmed to hear a commotion coming from the deep bunker beside the green “Bobby, Bobby.........I´m being attacked by a snake.........get help!” When Mr. Ball rushed to his aid he found him writhing about on the deck, gasping, and kicking at the sand with a hosepipe round his neck!

When I heard the news of his death I felt the same way as I did when Eric Morecambe and Les Dawson died. Although you´ve never met these people you just prefer the world with them in it.
R.I.P Norman.

ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I don´t think I´ve had this much spare time since........well last summer actually (and every summer for 15 years, - though that´s about to change). I´ve started watching the snooker on Eurosport, but the commentary is in German and it takes all the pleasure out of it (it always sounds like they´re commentating on a state funeral – and last night’s final of the The Welsh Open was about as exciting as one).


Two things made me laugh this week. First off, whilst playing the part of the Chairman in the Cumberland Bar, our club steward Nigel came up to me and said “Charlie Donuts wants to sing, can you get him up?” I didn´t have a clue who he was talking about. It suddenly dawned on me that he meant Charlie from Wakefield – we call him “Charlie No-Nuts” because of his impressive falsetto. When I worked this out I had to cover up a big fat cheesy grin and bury my face into my hands (The Chairman isn´t allowed to show any signs of pleasure you see).

Secondly, walking down “Dog shit alley” a couple of days ago one of the old guys who does a bit of begging was out early – it was market day, and had brought two dogs with him for the statutory sympathy vote. He cut an awkward figure mind as he´s wheelchair bound (well, he is on market days), and he held the dogs uneasily at arm´s length by their leads with one hand whilst propelling himself along with a grubby wheel with his other. He was a damn sight more uneasy when the two hounds caught sight of a bedraggled moggie crossing the road and they tore down the pathway dragging him along panic stricken, his matted hair flopping in the wind and shouting madly like something from the chariot race from Ben Hur.

“January, sick and tired you’ve been hangin on me, you make me sad with your eyes, you’re telling me lies, ......don’t go, don’t go....”

Enjoyed Christmas and new year here in Beni, and for the first time in years I went out for a Christmas drink with some of the club committee, Foggy Buckley, Compo Whatmore, Bomber Brown, Calamity Claire and Chucklin Bob. One perk at least of my drastically reduced workload. The Concert Chairman spends most of his time up his allotment now though still keeps me entertained when I bump into him. Yesterday he said. “Elsie’s gerrin worse! She cheerfully informed me today that on’t news it said that Heathrow Airport had been brought to a standstill by Paul Weller! Turns out it were “Poor weather”.

FIESTAS!!

This is always one of the strangest times of the year for me as we go from the joyous and noisy fiestas to the quietest times of the year within a few short days. It´s always tickled me that the November Fiestas have a totally different meaning depending on whether you happen to be British or Spanish. Up in the old town we have the spectacular parades, dancing, singing, endless stalls and funfairs, the very heart of fiesta land in fact, the Brits however seem to be blissfully unaware of this. And now they have created their own fiesta. – Fancy Dress Thursday. This comes the day after the end of the official one. This is a day like no other in Benidorm, so big in fact that the Spanish have also began to embrace it – they don´t have much choice! Starting mid afternoon along “The Square” hundreds and hundreds of middle aged drunks gleefully waddle together in an orgy of playful spontaneity as they wrestle with huge masks, ample Disney skins, over taught suspender belts (men AND women), chunky head dresses and swinging rubber male dongs to a throbbing soundtrack of 70´s pop. – Terrific stuff!!


P.S. – On a personal note my Spanish Matador´s gear didn´t feel right once my black tache dropped off through damp to the top lip and I slunk away sober after 2 hours.

Mind Yer Backs Am Coming Through.

Well we´ve now come full circle at I´m back at the Cumberland Bar in Benidorm and I have to say it feels like Ivé hardly been away, - well let´s face it, I hardly have! Doing Mondays and Wednesday afternoons plus Thursday nights at the mo.


It´s been a busy old time of late, what with commuting from here to Blackpool every weekend to team up with my old mates and ex Cumberland bar owners Nigel and Yvonne. We have now taken residence in The Catholic Club on Queen St. And we´re loving it! We are there Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons until the end of the illuminations at the beginning of November. We bumped into an old chap in the Tower Ballroom clicking his “bones” along with the Mighty Wurlitzer last week, we quickly informed him that he´d passed his audition for us and he duly turned up on the Sunday afternoon to do his stuff. There could be trouble at mill though cos we´ve already got a resident “bone” player in there and they paced around each other like a couple of starving wolves for a while until they backed off. – Next week we´re thinking of introducing a “bone-off”

Annual Blackpool Reunion

I think they call it “R and R” in the army, and that´s pretty much what I´ve been up to here in Benidorm for the last couple of weeks – “doin bugger all” is another way of putting it. It´s been years since I worked July and August and I´m normally back home by now but thought I´d hang on a bit and avoid the flash floods of the monsoon season back in Leeds, and besides I haven´t owned a pair of wellies since I was a kid. Lots of stag and hen parties over here at the mo, and I would like to thank one of their number for lightening my day recently. A lone Geordie youngster wheeling a suitcase in his wake late one morning stopped to ask me (and several other startled pedestrians) “Ow do I get to Majorca from ere like” – quickening his stride as he spoke, as if afraid the last bus had gone without him. I felt a bit sorry for him to be honest – he didn´t look like a strong swimmer.


In 3 weeks time it´s the highlight of the year for me, the now defunct “Cumberland Ex-Servicemen´s Club” annual trip to Blackpool. Here my alto ego The Concert Chairman takes his place amongst the other loons – er.....sorry, I mean members in a festival of fun, laughter and sheer juvenile idiocy. Check Facebook in coming weeks to see evidence of this. – “Kevin Holt Benidorm” or “Cumberland Committee-man”

And So The Times They Are A Changing.

 The Cumberland Ex-Servicemen´s Club now gone I am now ensconced at "The 2 Seals trades and Labour Club" and I´m settling in rather nicely. Though a smaller venue than The Cumberland it has a good feel about the place and owners Nigel and Debbie are great to work for and I look forward to some happy times there.


The other Nigel from the old Cumberland Bar although now resident back in England popped over last week to tie up a few loose ends and to drag me out on the drink for 2 consecutive days (that´s a lot for me), and I almost felt like I was on me hols. (I smiled twice and bought a round).He and Yvonne have since attended the required committee meetings at the Catholic Club on Queens St. Blackpool and we can now announce that we will be doing a season of Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons throughout the illuminations there (8th September to 3rd November). So we will be up to all the usual antics with the Concert Chairman plus a few of my so called impressions and Nige on his Sax/clarinet plus some new stuff from Yvonne. I will still be working at the 2 Seals Bar throughout this time as I´ll be flitting backwards and forwards every week.

As many of you know we´ve used the Catholic Club a couple of times before as part of our reunion which incidentally goes ahead as usual 3rd, 4th and 5th August. This has grown into quite an event over the years and if you require details of this you can contact me on kevinholt41@hotmail.com (We get special rates at The Savoy Hotel).

So whether it be here in Benidorm or over there in Blackpool, - hope to see you soon. - Kev

We Sign Off At The Cumberland Ex-Servicemen´s Club Benidorm.

I would like to thank Nigel and Yvonne and all of their staff at The Cumberland bar for some truly great memories, and so too our “members”, many of whom have become personal friends along the way, as well as performers Harry Andrews and our very own Elvis, Alan Dodd too for all their sterling efforts who all came together to create something pretty special in my opinion. Never shy of going the extra mile to create something different, whether it be holding the very popular remembrance service, “A festival of Christmas Songs”, whilst raising funds for “Help For Heroes” or indulging the Concert Chairman in his strange little parallel universe, they were never shy of putting the hard graft in to make things work, and I for one enjoyed every minute.


They deserve to put their feet up now and have a bit of a rest, but not too long I hope, for this is not the end of the story. The Blackpool reunion goes ahead as usual and we are also planning beyond that to recreate some of the highlights from The Cumberland Bar during the “Sunday Afternoon Extravaganza´s” in a new venture. We´ll let you know.

These posts will continue as I´ll remain in Benidorm for the winter season´s, or at least that´s the plan, the Chairman has just secured another post at the “Two Seals” pub opposite Steptoes cabaret spot where he will no doubt continue his reign of terror.

Real Club?

I´ve been playing the grumpy old Concert Chairman now for longer than I care to call, - the last few years in the Cumberland Bar. But somewhere along the journey the line got blurred between spoof Working Men´s Club and the real deal. It happened bit by bit, firstly by our “members” making a point of religiously sitting in the same place and scowling at any intruders who happened to stray on to their patch, howling derision at our karaoke singers who happened to sing their song and the increasing number of canine members on our books. We had two in today – “Kipper” the Jack Russel from Fleetwood and “Barking” Barney Barker the one eyed Bishon Frise who shared the Concert Chairman´s chicken sarnie. But the real clincher for me has been the shenanigans concerning the theft of the button from the top of the toilet! We couldn´t buy a replacement straight off, it had to be ordered and so we placed a bookies pen on top of the bog which was to be inserted in the hole now bereft of a button in order to flush. But somebody nicked the bloody bookies pen! And so we had to then attach a biro to the cistern now with the aid of a red ribbon to discourage the light fingered brigade. After several weeks of this I can report that the button has now arrived and is now in the hands of the plumber - which is where it will remain no doubt.


P.S – I love it!

"He´s Behind You" Etc.

I popped home last weekend to watch my eldest niece Brooke in Panto and then again perform with her dance troupe at the O2 Arena in London. It was the first pantomime I´ve been to since I saw Freddy Garrity as buttons in the early 70´s and glad to say they haven´t changed much. Alas Freddy Garrity has long since departed but that lovely musty Town Hall smell still remains, or at least I think it was the Town Hall. It must be a tad confusing for any non Brit in the audience (as it was for me as a young child) to see the leading man sporting shapely pins in a short mini dress and a pert pair of breasts, and the leading lady played by a portly middle aged man in a long frock, - and saggy breasts. (A sort of Bernard Manning with rosy cheeks). But it´s all part of being English isn´t it?

I bunked a lift with my baby sister’s family down to London minutes after the full cast had stomped off stage from their triumphant opening night finale to much acclaim.

Arriving at half 2 in the morning at the “Premier Inn” just down the road from Canary Wharf I shared a room (we had to change it twice) with brother-in-law Gary. I normally refuse to leave the house without my earplugs as a rule, and of the course the one time that I do I am housed next to a world class snorer, and for two hours I am subjected to the trumpetings of a madman which I can only liken to a Wild Boar that´s had its front two hooves tied together whilst somebody from behind taps at its testicles with a toffee hammer.

P.S Brooke was sensational.

Aunt Bessie Saves the day.

Well that´s Christmas and New Year out of the way then. I enjoyed the two carol services performed by the Right Reverand Nigel Turner at the Cumberland Bar, there were mince pies and mulled wine and lustily sung  Christmas songs  of which I hadn´t personally performed since assembly at school at the arse end of the 70´s.
My Christmas Day was officially "Quiet" I set about making Christmas dinner which was a first for me and pleased to say it was a masterpiece! - Well the chicken breast was a touch on the chewy side, me "Aunt Bessie" roasties turned me oven into a raging inferno and at one point I dashed hot foot into the kitchen thinking the thing had blown up. (As it turned out somebody had dropped a bag of shopping out in the corridor but it sounded like an explosion to me). Only problem was that Í´d made enought to feed a family of six, and I sat there like Henry the sodding 8th ploughing my way through mounds of veg, 4 giant Yorkshire puddings and enough mashed potatoes to grout me entire bathroom. After about an hour I gave a groan, rolled to one side like a giant Weeble and and fell asleep with a sprout in me mouth at around 5:30pm.

November Madness.

Well that´s the fiestas over then, and it was probably the busiest we´ve ever had in the Cumberland Bar. A great week with some new faces showing up this year apart from some of the usual characters - i.e The mayor and mayoress of Benidorm (Colin and Betty), Angie, Val and their gang including Baz and his “I predict a riot” routine whereby the audience hurl beer mats at the stage to the “Kaiser Chiefs” classic hit – somebody selotaped 4 of the buggers together and nearly had Nigel´s eye out. Maggie Newman and her crew, Max and Andy, Chucklin Bob and Claire plus Stelly and his loons from Macclesfield.


Benidorm will go into sleep mode now until Christmas and the Cumberland Bar will shut for a few days at the beginning of December when a few of us will bob over to Blackpool and have a jolly up with a few of our “members” over there.
http://www.kevinholt.net/

And Oscar for best actor goes to..........

Well, we´ve enjoyed a prolonged summer here this time around – been back a month now and it still hasn´t been cool enough to slide beneath the duvet yet, mind yer the rain didn´t half come down today and washed several pensioners into the sea, so that could be that.


We had a great turn out for the first showing of our Blackpool Reunion DVD the other Sunday and would like to thank who attended and those who were called upon to do a speech upon bagging an Oscar. Typically The Chairman droned on for hours boring everybody to tears but I think the old boy was genuinely moved for once. You can now purchase a copy from The Cumberland Bar at 6 euro, 1 euro of which goes to “Help For Heroes”. Next up, the halloween party and then the November Fiestas. Below - Director Karl King.

Haven't been on here a while but it's been a fairly hectic summer so far. First off, largely through tragically inadequate planning I managed to spin out my charity trek down the east coast from Skeggy to Southend from about 300 mile to nearer 400, and finished up a stone and a half lighter and with a little toe like a sorry piece of sausage meat left out for the dog. Would just like to take this opportunity to give a big thanks to all of those who contributed. - Big thanks.
Our 4th annual Blackpool reunion for the "Cumberland Ex-Servicemen's Club" was a huge laugh with packed venues for all 3 nights, Nigel and Yvonne's hard graft to make it all happen has to be applauded and long may they continue. The event was filmed this year by Karl King and if the two trailers are anything to go by the final cut will be a cracker, so thanks mate you did a great job. To view clips click -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk_nXPooCU0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGBrrJIj3xY

(The football match was a classic encounter).
The rest of the summer has a certain uncertainty about it for me. I was supposed to be writing the life story of one of Blackpool's most loved and popular entertainers, but as it turns out he can't remember any of it, so that's a bit of a snag.

Another Season Just Flashed By.

And so there it is, the end of another season and an emotional finish to this one with the final show from Alan Dodd. Elvis has left the building for the last time. Good luck to him and I hope we meet up again someday.


I´m now in training for my charity trek from Skegness to Southend in aid of “Help For Heroes” in July, it´s been going pretty well but the extreme heat here has brought me out in unsightly red blotches (I hope it´s the heat anyway), and today they´ve gone all itchy. Am not walking today as don´t want to risk having to do my last show in “Sinatras” tonight in Cliff Richard´s tennis shorts with red “mump” like legs and thus scaring the kids. If you want to contribute you can go to my “Just Giving” site – http://www.justgiving.com/kevin-holt and I would like to thank all our members who have so far contributed 170 pounds!

After the walk it´s full steam ahead with our 4th annual Blackpool Reunion in August, for details of this see -
http://www.cumberlandbarbenidorm.com/blackpool2011.html

You will be able to follow my painstaking progress on the walk on Facebook (Kevin holt benidorm) and on this blog.

Ta ra for a bit.

ALAN DODD.

On Sunday 26th June our resident Elvis Alan Dodd will perform his last show for us at The Cumberland Ex-Servicemen´s Club. He´s been with us for 5 years working every Sunday and Wednesday and the man is a legend! I´ve worked with Alan in several pubs and for the whole duration of my 12 years here and it´s been a real pleasure for sure. I can´t remember him ever letting us down, forever on time and always giving it everything he´s got whether there be 3 or 300 in the audience. He´s going to be sadly missed that´s for sure and we all wish him and his dad all the best for the future. It´s also our last show of the season and we are hoping to film the event for posterity.


Cheers Elv.

There´s Leaves On The Trees And Everything - Spring?

When we get to May I always wonder where the season has gone, my stint ends at the end of June whereby I generally crawl inside a cardboard box and hibernate until September.


I´ve been doing a fair bit of filming again with my mate Carl and after 3 days grafting away in the “Cumberland” he´s got to put his not inconsiderable skills into putting it all together so it appears “real”. It´s a bit complicated to explain but if you cast your mind back to the old Mike Yarwood shows whereby he would appear on screen as several different characters at once then you´re on the right track.

Going back a few weeks we had a good day for our St. George´s Day party, which went on a bit longer than it should have. Hat´s off to Nigel and Yvonne for actually having one – think it´s the only bar in town that does! – Photo – me Nigel and “Blue nose Trev”.

"Have Supermarket Carrier bag - Will Travel."

Through the guise of the Concert Chairman I´ve been enjoying getting out and about a bit lately. First we went to the beautiful mountain village of Guadalest whereby he moaned and groaned his way up the many steps yearning for his allotment. Next on the list was the picturesque waterfall “Fonts De Algar” at Callosa, the location for the old “Timote” shampoo advert, this was another cloudless day with some unseasonal hot sunshine. This was not appreciated by our friend however as he spent the whole afternoon complaining that he couldn´t get a bet on for The Grand National.


Hat´s off to my mate Carl, - cameraman, director, producer and all round editing genius. For this venture was his idea and I´m constantly fascinated watching him bring the piece together on his computer with his technical wizardry and eye for comic detail. We´ve got a few more trips planned including a possible trip to Switzerland at the end of the summer, The Concert Chairman stars in “Carry On Up The Eiger?”