Pauline and Sid

The season´s they´re a changing, not only have I noticed that I can actually get to sleep underneath the duvet now and again but the local mossies are taking on a lethargic air these days. Last week one of the little bounders was gently gnawing away at my ankle bone, but had to stop after a couple of minutes for a fag and a sandwich before resuming on its merry way.

Pauline and Sid went home today. These two have been in the bar in the same two seats every afternoon and every night for a month, helping out glass collecting in busy times and acting as stooge to the Concert Chairman at others. - They also bring him the newspaper daily and a bag of sweets. Add to this that I don´t think they´ve ever missed one of my night time shows (where their party piece is to propel ping pong balls at my Cliff Richard caricature) and they are two of the most likeable, good natured and loveable couple you´re ever likely to meet, - we will surely miss their presence. I also like the fact that Sid refuses to wear his hearing aid. We were having a little impromptu quiz yesterday and the question was "What was Cambodia previously known as" - Sid thought for a second and then shouted "Malaria!" Still can´t quite work out what he thought the question was. I remember years ago when I was moving apartments and mentioned that in my new place the kitchen drawer was bare, sure enough next day I was presented with a brand new set of cutlery - typical. Sid´s an absolute star and Pauline has what was described by my ex girlfriend when first meeting her as having "a kind face".

There are others too, there´s a bloke called Jim who a couple of times a year brings me the "Northern Life" magazine and then disappears never to be seen again, another one brings me pigeon magazines (and badges), and packets of paracetamol-. Last week, another member - "Popeye" (ex sea fisherman) brought me in a homemade fish pie (which was superb), and there´s keith and Marion who bring me in giant bags of fruit and shower gel. Others bring in books, framed photographs and I´ve had models of the chairman made from the tin foil left over from someone´s kebab and one bloke from Bradford famously sent an oil painting of the chairman which always brought the house down when we brought it out, and it raised 45 quid when we did the auction for "Help for Heroes" at our Blackpool reunion by the way

Yes, it´s a special place to work is the old "Cumberland Ex-Servicemen´s Club", some wonderful people, laughs a plenty, and long may it continue.

"Ho-De-Bloody-Ho!"

News comes to me of me Uncle Eddie and Auntie Doreen who rolled back the years and went off to for a break at Pontin´s in Southport for old times sake. (We all went together there on holiday about 40 years ago). By the sound of things it hasn´t changed much since then, - not even the curtain material. Stories of  scabby wardrobes with one coathanger - and a spare for emergencies, and of an over zealous smoke alarm - Eddie had to waft it with a newspaper just so they could boil 2 eggs, had me chortling away and judging by his ensuing texts messages things didn´t improve over much.
"Just got ere, talk about bloody "He-Di-Hi". Place is tiny, can´t get electric on and wife doesn´t like it - hasn´t unpacked". Then later on that night. "Ballroom full of kids, - didn´t they used to march the little buggers out at 9pm? - we´re off to pub across the road.
Two hours later. - "Back in Ballroom, still full of kids, some arshole jumping about in a monkey suit - we´re off to bed". And then finally next day. "I´ve had enough, it´s pissing down and all they´ve got on is bloody Morris Dancing! - for about 5 hours. Off to club, not theirs - OURS.  We´re off home."
Weekend break eh? - aye, it certainly broke him alright.