ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I don´t think I´ve had this much spare time since........well last summer actually (and every summer for 15 years, - though that´s about to change). I´ve started watching the snooker on Eurosport, but the commentary is in German and it takes all the pleasure out of it (it always sounds like they´re commentating on a state funeral – and last night’s final of the The Welsh Open was about as exciting as one).


Two things made me laugh this week. First off, whilst playing the part of the Chairman in the Cumberland Bar, our club steward Nigel came up to me and said “Charlie Donuts wants to sing, can you get him up?” I didn´t have a clue who he was talking about. It suddenly dawned on me that he meant Charlie from Wakefield – we call him “Charlie No-Nuts” because of his impressive falsetto. When I worked this out I had to cover up a big fat cheesy grin and bury my face into my hands (The Chairman isn´t allowed to show any signs of pleasure you see).

Secondly, walking down “Dog shit alley” a couple of days ago one of the old guys who does a bit of begging was out early – it was market day, and had brought two dogs with him for the statutory sympathy vote. He cut an awkward figure mind as he´s wheelchair bound (well, he is on market days), and he held the dogs uneasily at arm´s length by their leads with one hand whilst propelling himself along with a grubby wheel with his other. He was a damn sight more uneasy when the two hounds caught sight of a bedraggled moggie crossing the road and they tore down the pathway dragging him along panic stricken, his matted hair flopping in the wind and shouting madly like something from the chariot race from Ben Hur.