Hello again!

As I am travelling down the east coast on me charity walk, I am using a netbook with limited battery life so to save time I'll be blogging only on www.thecampinggorilla.blogspot.com until the end of August.
Byeeee.

Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye

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The Camping Gorilla
Saturday, 20 June 2009


Well, I've been back in England now a few days gathering together me trekking gear - and me thoughts, and it's been pretty damn fraught. My nerves have been shredded, partly because I'm walking around stone deaf cos nobody seems to have the time to stick a syringe full of luke warm water down me lug hole, and my attempts to renew the old passport have proved futile in the extreme. Added to this my sudden realization of the scale of the thing, and of the fact that lump on me back is a rucksack and not Doctor Who's tardis, and you have panic on your hands. Have been busy trying to cram everything in there, from bare essentials such as tent, sleeping bag, gorilla costume, sleeping mat, to all the extras like maps, torch, compass, towell, stove, clothes, toiletries etc etc etc. It's been a nightmare let me tell you, and hopefully I CAN tell you if I can get me Netbook (small laptop) to function in the next day or 2. If not, my posts will be limited to the odd time I come across a cyber caff - wish me luck as you wave me goodbye!

David Carradine - R.I.P

R.I.P David Carradine, - it said in the paper yesterday that he starred in “Kill Bill” – what nonsense, he was Kwai Chang Caine from the 70´s series “Kung Fu”, - that´s who he was! – Any middle aged bloke will tell you that. He was compelling viewing alright, - I´ve got a feeling that it was on of a Saturday tea time on ITV and tragically may have clashed with “Basil Brush” – the BBC´s funniest ever glove puppet. Caine set off for America´s wild west in search of his half brother constantly getting into scrapes with rough arsed cowboys who mocked his demeanour and peaceful ways (he wasn´t so peaceful when he brayed hell out of em with his bare feet mind you). I loved the constant flashbacks to when he was being taught by monks in the Shaolin temple, constantly setting him challenges – “When you can snatch the pebble from my hand it will be time for you to go” and having to walk along rice paper without tearing it, etc etc. – Don´t remember the dangling yourself by your private parts in a wardrobe bit though.

www.kevinholt.net

Four Weeks To Go - And Not Overly Confident.

It´s 4 weeks to the off now for the “Big walk” down the east coast, I´ve been building up slowly – and I mean slowly, it´s taken 2 months to pluck up courage to walk as far as 17 miles, which I did today. This was a triumph, I managed the last couple of miles without thinking I was wading through axle grease and my knees were only aching instead of downright killing me, unlike last week when they screamed out at me to stop and came up like Kenny Ball´s cheeks. I´m not bitter about that ludicrous challenge inside the centre circle, whereby I was scythed down needlessly and had my kneecap rammed round the other side of my adams apple during an Over 30´s versus Under 30´s football match back in 1981 – I hardly ever mention it in fact. (ah-em). But it´s been murder these past few weeks, and I´ve been reliving the incident over in my mind of late (you can read a full account in my book “Are You Affiliated” – available as a free download on www.kevinholt.net (advert over). The fact is, at 18 my career was in shreds and it would have been absolutely tragic – if I´d have been any good.
I´ve achieved these recent results by basically walking slower and not lifting my feet up off the ground so much, this results in me shuffling about rather in the manor of an old man in his slippers padding down his garden path to the wheelie bin, - but so be it. The only problem is, now that the weather is getting warmer I´ve started to develop this horrendous heat rash which is especially bad on my legs, it resembles a cross between German measles and injuries incurred by being flung off a motorbike at high speed whilst wearing nothing but a pair of “Speedos”. Problem is I wear a pair of tennis shorts in the show when I do Cliff Richard, and I´m on in “Sinatras” tomorrow night. – Will a bit of talc hide it do you think, - or will I have to wear tights?

Forget The "Credit Crunch", Financial Meltdown And All That - Kajagoogoo Are Back!!

Can say without fear of contradiction that summer is officially here now, I cleaned the apartment tonight topless! It´s not something I´m in the habit of doing let me tell you, - I think it´s bad manners – even though there´s nobody else here, but I was getting a right sweat on and something just had to give.
It´s been a funny old week, my football team cocking up the Division 1 play-offs induced me into 48 hours of manic depression which lightened only when Peter Andre and Katie Price announced that they were splitting up and could the media please “respect their privacy”. Another hot piece of news that brought me back from the brink was the bombshell that “Kajagoogoo” were to reform, - and about time too I hear you cry. I´ve just been on the official website (yeh, that´s what I thought) and – have you got a pen handy? – they´re appearing at “Hobbles On The Cobbles” – free concert on the market square in Aylesbury, “The Rescue Rooms” in Nottingham, and Leipzig Germany, which is listed simply as a “Free Concert in the city of Leipzig” – it doesn´t even say where. (Busking?). Can´t help but notice that the word “free” keeps cropping up, then again you wouldn´t want to be paying actual money to watch them performing “Too Shy” for 2 hours would you? Anyway, ten out of ten lads for having the cheek to get back together, and at least all UK hair gel manufacturers may take a keen interest.

Download my books free on www.kevinholt.net

The Summer Starts Here

Well the summer starts here – the cricket has started! – cue coming in from work, bobbing “Test Match Special” on, stretching out on the sofa and drinking in the latest musings from Sir Geoffrey, C.M.J, Aggers and the boys, - now that´s what I CALL relaxation. Good God we even won a test match today! Big sporting week all round as it goes with my team Leeds United in the first leg of the 1st Division playoffs tomorrow with an early kick off against Millwall – though I suspect it´s not quite early enough for the Greater London Police Force, who put in for a half 7 in the morning start by all accounts (Suspect all leave will be cancelled).
Work wise, I felt a bit for Mike Dennett and Chic (vent act) the other night who did the spot before me to a very sparse crowd, half of whom were watching the Arsenal v Man. United Champions League semi final – with sound on! – you have to laugh – and it´s a shame they didn´t (it was the same for me). Come back the northern working men´s club circuit – all is forgiven.
The “Cumberland Ex-Servicemen´s Club” has been going great since Easter (a notoriously quiet stretch), we´ve got the best part of 600 members now and the collection of characters just grows and grows. The latest is “Paul Orbison” who specializes in songs by ......well, av a guess. He always dresses in black, complete with leather jacket which never leaves his shoulders even though the temperature is up in the 80´s and he even puts his dark glasses on to fill out his karaoke slip! Nice one Paul, you´ll do for us.

http://www.kevinholt.net/

www.cumberlandbarchairman.blogspot.com

"Where´s Your Donkey?"

Have started training for the charity trek down the east coast of England this summer, and on the whole it´s been going pretty well. Apart from a couple of old injuries rearing their ugly heads that is, - a mystery shoulder injury from about 18 month back plus a dodgy knee incurred whilst being viciously scythed down whilst playing for the Guiseley Working Men´s Club under 30´s football team against the over 30´s in 1981.
Have been loading up the rucksack with bottles of water, books, coats and a pair of old boots, it´s not that I intend drinking 6 litres of water, changing my footwear or stopping off for a little read on my round, but it does replicate the weight of a tent, sleeping bag and other necessities I´ll be carrying come the end of June. Have stopped short of wearing the gorilla suit though, we all know that the Spanish are world class when it comes to staring at nothing in particular, and I get a few strange looks just by wearing a backpack, so lumbering down the promenade in full primate mode, scraping my knuckles along the ground and grunting is probably going to be a bit too much for em in my opinion.
On the work front, haven´t had too many catastrophes of late, but after a show in “Sinatras” this week one old lady asked me “What have you done with the donkey?” – this statement confused me more than a little. -Just who the hell is she confusing me with? – The Virgin Mary and Osama Bin Laden were ditched from the act years ago.
(Download my books for free on www.kevinholt.net)